Confessions......of A Mom of an 18-year old Son

Confessions of a Mother of an 18-year Old Son
March 3, 2009
It was the summer of 1993 when TJ was determined to ride a bike without training wheels. I thought it was too early. After all, it was only four months since he quit wearing diapers! He was determined and I was exhausted in trying to make him understand that he may not be ready. I figured he needed to learn for himself whether or not he was truly ready to ride a bike without training wheels. I took off the training wheels, helped him up on the bike. Several times I ran alongside of him holding the back of the seat, trying to help him stay balanced. I then had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done. I gave him a push knowing and I wasn’t going to hold that seat. I knew he was going to fall, but I hoped he would fall in the grass! I wanted to close my eyes because I didn’t know if he would collide into that tree, fall on the concrete or run into a parked car on the side of the road. I found a little comfort in that he had a helmet on his head. Watching his determination was difficult for me as his mother, but I continued to push him and watch him lose his balance and fall. And then it happened. I pushed him, he wavered back and forth, but he didn’t fall….he rode his bike without falling! Well, until he learned how to use the breaks! That was the next lesson. Eventually, bike riding became a simple matter of “go get your bike out of the garage and ride it.”

My anxiety and fear in teaching TJ how to ride a bike was intense. TJ turned 18 yesterday. Do any of you want to know about my anxiety and fears? Multiply those anxieties and fears from 1993 by a million!

My son is determined to want to live life independently from us. We’ve had long discussions and we even have written list of expectations for this next stage in life as he lives in our home. I had to bend in some areas that I really didn’t want to bend in. I am standing; watching him go. I’m trying not to hold on too tightly. I’m fearful of the decisions he has to make. I’m still close, but I’m not “right there.” It’s honestly one of the most difficult things to do!

I received an email from a good friend of mine yesterday. She said, “I’m praying that TJ will come to recognize the truth that we all have to accept sooner or later—that ‘It’s not right because God tells us to do it; rather, God tells us to do it because it is right.’ If we could all just understand that the only reason God lays out boundaries for our lives is so that we won’t tumble over the edge into an awful hole, how much happier we’d be. We all have times when we want it ‘our way,’ even knowing in our heart of hearts that His way is best. May this be the year that TJ comes face to face with his own human inadequacies and embraces the Lord’s all-sufficiency.”

John Townsend writes, “Parents are the guardrails in a teen’s life. Sometimes they get banged into over and over and over again. It they do their job, in the end, the teen comes out on the right path.” It’s been a season of getting “banged into” over and over again. My prayer is that TJ will learn to live life in such a way that honors and pleases God. What will it take to get him there? I don’t know. I just want him THERE! If he stumbles or falls, I just pray that the outcomes aren’t too harmful. I pray that if he falls, it results in him getting up and trying to do it right the next time. I hope he knows how to use “his brakes” to stop him from ending up somewhere he has no business being.” I pray that he will know in his heart and his head Proverbs 3:5,6 that reads, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

I confess that I don’t know how to be the mother of an 18 year old son. I’ve only been that for a little over 24 hours! I’m thinking there are going to be both good and bad things down the road. Interesting, it’s like I’m trying to learn to ride a new kind of bike. I might not ride it all that well in the beginning, but with God’s help, I just might learn to do this thing well! Hmmmm, who needs to trust in the LORD with all of her heart and not lean on her own understanding? Acknowledge Him? It’s me…the mother of an 18 year old son.